Weaverville. This tiny little mountain town that's birthed some mighty heroes of the faith; reminds a little of Nazareth. John 1:45 "Can anything good come from Nazareth?" -- I am captivated by how God delights in small beginnings. He exalts the humble and those who are truly faithful in the little..those faithful in their small beginning are the ones entrusted with much.
It's hard to describe the feeling I had when visiting Weaverville today. Such a humble little town hidden away upon a mountain. The solitude and peace I tasted of in this little town gave me a greater understanding of the heart position the Lord desires us to be in. What good comes from Weaverville? Just like the God of the universe forever made a name for a little town called Nazareth, by sending the savior of the world to spend most of his life there..forever depositing a lasting legacy upon that city.. I felt that today in Weaverville. Such a sacred and humble peace. A reminder of how God deeply values small beginnings and seasons of preparation. Young David would have not been entrusted the epic mission of taking down Goliath before armies if God had not seen his faithfulness of taking down the lion and the bear when no one was watching. David faithfully served the Lord with excellence and a pure heart right where he was and He was the highlighted son of Jesse anointed to be King.. the youngest and most unlikely. It's about our faithfulness to the Lord, not despising, but treasuring our days of small beginnings; whether in Weaverville; Nazareth, quiet green pastures shepherding sheep, San Clemente, or wherever the Lord is starting out your story, we serve a God who deeply loves every moment of our journeys, and champions us to be fully present in the season of solitude and intimacy with him because these are the very moments of preparation we unknowingly sow into that God delightfully takes note of.
Redding CA. I am humbled and filled with vitality and great expectancy for the future, the more moments I spend here. This place is a city of healing. The miracles I am witnessing, lives being saved, healed and delivered. The stories of faithful and passionate worshippers..children of agod scattered across the nations, gathering in Redding as one family celebrating our joyful salvation and drinking deeply from the fountain of living water.. Revivalists being equipped and sent back out to transform their cities all over the nation and globe .. Redding? Who's ever heard of Redding? What good comes out of Redding? Well God duly noted the deep hunger and passionate pursuit of a handful of revivalists tucked away on a mountain and delighted in using them to shake the nations with revival. The rad thing about Bill Johnson.. Beni, Kris, Cathy, Danny, Eric .. these heros are just as baffled that God would use them to be forerunners of this revival sweeping across the nations. They were just hungry for more of God and were letting the world satisfy that deep craving for intimacy with God and seeing a His Kingdom come. This moves the heart of the Father.
"Blessed are those who hunger and thirst for righteousness, for they shall be filled" Matthew 5:6
"His master said to him, ‘Well done, good and faithful servant. You have been faithful and trustworthy over a little, I will put you in charge of many things; share in the joy of your master." Matthew 25:23
The life stories of these powerful leaders in revival are just so simple and full of faithfulness to God along the jounrey. We have been chosen by our Lord Jesus to keep this thing going, he passed the baton to us.
"The reason the Son of God came was to destroy the works of the devil" 1 John 3:8
"Very truly I tell you, whoever believes in me will do the works I have been doing, and they will do even greater things than these" John 14:12
"Do not despise these small beginnings, for the LORD rejoices to see the work begin.." Zechariah 4:10
So mighty warrior in the faith, don't let anyone look down on you for any reason and do not despise the day of small beginnings.. be faithful to the Lord in your heart, hunger and thirst for more of Him and you can only imagine the mighty works He can do through your little, surrendered and available life. ❤️
Ladies, you are so worth being pursued. 💐💕
That deep desire in your heart to be given flowers..that's God-given and beautiful. Don't ever let that desire die. That hope you have to be known and treasured for all you are and all you aren't? There IS a man out there already praying for you and the day he'll meet you. Save yourself for the one who will pursue your heart with passion. Know that regardless of how you've been treated in the past, or even how you've messed up in the past, you are absolutely worth being chosen, loved and treated how you've dreamed since you were a little girl. Wait patiently for the one who will fight for you, and enjoy every moment of pursuing your passions in the mean time.
The good news is, even when that man walks into your life with a bouquet of flowers and all the right, affirming words -- he won't be the one to complete you. You were created for a deeper, eternal love. A love that has pursued you with passion to the point of stepping down off of His throne in heaven & dying for you, fighting the gates of hell to protect you, all to restore close relationship with you. He did it all to be with you. And He is the one who gives life to the flowers on a thousand hills--and delights in growing them for you 🌻 so even when Mr. Handsome comes into your life with the bouquet you've dreamed of, you can let it remind of you Jesus' passionate pursuit of your heart. Remember to always keep Him as your first love.
But rest assured, you are absolutely worth being pursued. Wait patiently for the man who will reflect Jesus' unconditional love for you. ❤️ and enjoy every moment of learning how to love yourself well and receive the healthy love you deserve. Only then can you love others well.
My transition from San Clemente to Redding was an exciting adventure that turned into a much more difficult time of change than I anticipated. It was almost a culture shock. Growing up in the busyness of my beautiful Orange County beach town, there were many ways of life that were engrained in who I was, that once I was removed from my comfort zone, they began to be exposed.
Sitting quietly. So foreign to me. I am a list person. 📝 I am just beginning to realize how I've relied on structure and productivity (aka insane busyness) to pacify my anxiety and give me the counterfeit feeling of purpose and accomplishment. But hey, to everyone around me, I appeared to be successful, moving forward in life and "put together" right? So the non-stop busyness was justified, right?
Wrong. My first few weeks in school at BSSM were torture for me. I was out of a schedule, adapting to a new city and rhythm of life knowing nearly no one and having no familiar activities to run to that kept me productive and that kept my anxiety pacified. No weekly ministry, no job, no familiar friendships to run to, no stability as I've known it .. I began to feel everything that's been suppressed. As so much began to resurface, it's safe to say I was a hot mess.
But I have Jesus! Why am I such an emotional mess? Why is sitting quietly so painful for me? The fear. The insecurity. The crippling desire to be liked and accepted. The destructive words that have been spoken over me. The deep wounds on my heart. I could feel it all. I didn't have all the activities and families "coping skills" to rely upon anymore -- literally all I had was time, and was Jesus. I began to go into PLANNING MODE. Frantically applying for jobs, making lists..weekly schedules..appointments..people to call..youth at home to encourage with texts and written letters..presents to make..trips to plan..budgets to control..homework planning lists..a healthy meal prep..exercise schedule..I began to give myself so much TO DO in the midst of feeling such deep emotions, so I could RUN from them and continue pacifying my anxiety with productivity. There was nothing wrong with the tasks above I was trying to accomplish, but there was everything wrong with running from God to these things to find comfort and relief.
Everything I attempted to do began failing. I was applying for jobs that I was way overqualified for, and being turned away. I got a GREAT 25+ hour a week job at a flower shop, and God refused to give me the peace and joy to accept it. I kept applying until I had peace. All the tasks I was running to intensified the deep emotions I was beginning to face and I heard the sweet and still voice of the Lord nudge me, "you didn't come up to Redding and BSSM to do the same things you did at home. Be present"
So I thought, "maybe I should stop trying to get busy, and start trying to talk to God about all this ugly stuff resurfacing in my heart?" 💡 and whatayya know! He started responding! I opened His word and was led to specific verses that comforted and cleaned out my heart. I began to cry. Much needed heart surgery began. I gave myself permission to feel..to feel deeply. To feel anger. To feel grief. To feel joy. His presence came and I was still enough to recognize the sweetness and power of His Holy Spirit in the room with me. His radical comfort came and began to heal my heart. I began to encounter His love in these moments of stillness. I began to process pains and memories I'd buried for yeeaars. And from this quiet place, I began being directed by Him and given heavenly wisdom as to what to do next. One task at a time.
Now I had applied to 30+ jobs on care.com over the course of 2 months..I only got 5 responses denying my application? I have 6+ years experience, a teaching credential and a degree in child development. What the heck? So I gave up. It was in my quiet place with the Lord that I felt his nudge.. "check care.com right now" I felt like peter who had been fishing all night long, only to catch NOTHING.
"Whatever you say boss"
Not an hour before a woman had posted about her need for part time child care in Redding. "This is my husband & my first time fostering children. We would love someone with a heart for foster kids and experience with young children"
"Is this for real Lord..?!"
I didn't want to get my hopes up, but I eagerly applied with a heart of child-like faith and excitement!
A day later I actually got a response! She wanted to meet with me for coffee! JESUS!!!
My time with the beautiful mother grounded me. And my moments witnessing the faithful service of her and her husband have inspired me beyond words. They hired me and essentially, welcomed me into their journey of fostering these beloved little ladies. Their unshakable faith in Jesus and radical, unconditional love for these little girls began to pierce my heart. I saw the gentle, stable and tangible love of Jesus they were giving to these tiny girls. It is sacrificial. They are falling in love with these girls and giving them everything a good good father would delight in giving their children..and they are risking the deep pain they may feel if / when they little ladies get reunited with their birth parents.
I've been humbled and inspired every time I share moments with this married couple. I am dreaming of a stable, godly and healthy marriage glued together by love for and faithful service to their Lord Jesus. Every day I am thanking God for their example, His provision and my priceless and life giving moments of loving these precious little girls.
So that brings me to Friday taco dates with Jesus. Around the corner from their house is an authentic and delicious Mexican food restaurant. God has invited me to find comfort in moments like this, where I can look forward to time connecting with Him, enjoying the good things in life and intentionally protecting my connection with Him instead of missing precious moments like this by running back to my rhythm of unhealthy busyness.
This tiny, loud and delicious Mexican food restaurant and these weekly taco dates with Jesus have been some of the most reflective, enjoyable and healing moments since getting settled into my new life in Redding. Deep pain and memories continue to resurface, but I'm no longer afraid of facing them. I have found the one in who my soul loves. Song of Songs 3:4
No human or activity could ever bring comfort, healing,
purpose and life-giving joy to my moments like Jesus has. And whether I am accomplishing much, or doing nothing, I am content as long as I am connected to my life-source.
Actually, I don’t have a sense of needing anything personally. I’ve learned by now to be quite content whatever my circumstances. I’m just as happy with little as with much, with much as with little. I’ve found the recipe for being happy whether full or hungry, hands full or hands empty. Whatever I have, wherever I am, I can make it through anything in the One who makes me who I am.
Philippians 4:11-12 MSG
Slowing down and surrendering all I've relied on to strengthen me..becoming weak and broken, coming into God's safe presence, giving myself permission to feel every deep pain resurfacing from my heart.:has brought me close to the heart of Jesus. I have become so weak and broken only to be made strong, stable and healthy in my quiet moments in the presence of my Lord. His Holy Spirit comes and rebuilds the ancient ruins long devastated, binds of the broken heart and has set this captive free.
Who wouldna known you could experience such joy and healing over tacos 🌮 I pray this same healing, comfort and joy for you. ❤️
He doesn't have to come encounter us with His love,
but he always does.
Today is day six of a completely new season and life for me in Redding, preparing for the school year at Bethel School of Supernatural Ministry. The weeks leading up to these moments have been filled with great transition, reflection and expectancy for the future. The exciting and adventurous idea of leaving everything behind to pursue God here in Redding at Bethel, sounds a lot more glamorous than the actual reality, act and sum of sometimes painful steps and days of doing so. Getting moved in, connected with my roommates and establishing a new healthy life rhythm in Redding is coming more naturally each day, but it would be a shame to rush ahead into this next season while neglecting to reflect on this past season.
Here is the full post:
San Clemente, my sweet Jerusalem.